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| Urijah Faber |
Can you succeed by being nice in a "dog-eat-dog" world? Do you have to be violent to be safe? Explain. (Serendipity Bible 10th Anniversary Edition, p.519).
This
question requires that two things be explored – first, what it
meant by "nice", and, second, the nature of the world. To
what extent is the world “dog-eat-dog?”
I
think one reason that we like war movies is that war in many ways is
allegorical for life. I would like to raise my son to be nice. That
is, I want him to learn consideration, empathy, and compassion. But,
nevertheless, I would not fully restrict him from watching war
movies. This is because in my view it is well to see displayed raw
courage in battle. Learning to fight begins with oneself. When
tempted to be lax in self-discipline, we need to fight this tendency
towards shiftlessness and spinelessness. When we encounter the
inevitable difficulties involved in daily living, we need to be
ardent fighters to overcome adversity. So, being a fighter begins
with oneself. But it doesn't end there. I like to think as a teen my
son would have the stamina to resist the pressures of conformity
that run counter to good judgment. A "nice" person—when
that means never risking the disapproval of others or ruffling the
feathers of friends—is a path that will sooner or later lead to
disaster. So in addition to fighting unattractive inner traits, we
also must learn to resist unwise influence and conformity. In short,
a nice person as I have defined it (considerate, empathetic, and
compassionate) nevertheless must be a fighter—not excluding the
possibility that they must sometimes offend and occasionally flat-out
arouse disgust in their companions. Being nice in these circumstances
entails putting the best interest of yourself and of your contrary
friends ahead of conformism and phony congeniality. It calls for
strength and the will to fight.
The
next thing to consider is the nature of the world. In actuality to
what extent is it starkly "dog-eat-dog?" This phrase means
that people habitually act selfishly with no thought of others. Of
course, we can readily identify such situations. For example, a drug
dealer naturally wants to carry a weapon. This is especially so if
the dealer has a reputation for being "nice". For even if
the dealer is truly nice in many ways, on the drug scene niceness can
be readily construed by others in the trade as being weak and even
cowardly – someone that invites being walked over, even killed.
Outside of these situations which often skirt the law, we typically
find that dog-eat-dog behavior is markedly counterproductive. For
example, if I find a business has an ethos of consummate self-centeredness, dishonesty, and selfishness, I will readily
bypassed them and give my business to their more customer considerate
competition.
Being
nice (considerate, empathetic, and compassionate) means that one
seeks to establish warm relationships with others. This can be
distinguished from a "civil" relationship that is coldly
counterfeit. If I approach someone and they treat me "civilly"
and not warmly as a friend, I implicitly can sense an
aloofness—evidence that they have judged me and hold me as inferior
to themselves. So being nice and civil are two strikingly different
forms of behavior.
While
being nice often comes with some cost, it can also be redemptive and
rewarding in the long run. When undergirded by a fighter's strength,
it builds self-respect immediately and, over time, respect in others.
