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Saturday, June 26, 2010

Why is the In-Law bond so strong almost from the get-go?

Today I spent time with some of my in-laws.  Since Kathy and I have been married only a few years, I find myself wondering why is it that the family attachment is so strong from the get-go.  I sense a mutual trust that it would seem should require years to develop—not just a handful of meetings (we do not live near each other so meet on special occasions only).  Let’s just take one relationship—that between myself and Kathy’s father.  Surely here should be a dicey relationship.  I should be on defensive turf—are you good enough for my daughter, probably not, would seem to be the operative attitude.  But there is none of this.  He has treated me as an equal from the first time I met him.  Not only as an equal, but he welcomed my identity as part of his family’s identity.  In other words, he overlooked the risk I might pose to those he loves.  We accept risky investments only if the payoff seems appropriate.  Apparently, he thought I was worth the risk.  To be the recipient of this attitude is a high compliment.  And I love him because he accepted this risk—while there were many more questions in the air than answers.  And when someone takes a chance on you, appreciation for this is instinctual and deep.  We want to make sure that a person who has faith is us is not proven a fool—which would make us the greater fool.  Being the recipient of trust, we return trust.  We want to reward this solid acceptance with solid returns.  It is worth noting that as trust makes a family, the eroding of it can destroy it.  That is why the trust should not be seen in worldly terms over which fortune can play havoc.  The trust must be in the basic character and integrity of the individuals.

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