Alienate defined: make somebody feel disaffected—to make somebody feel that he or she
does not belong to or share in something, or is isolated from it (often
passive) • People like that often feel alienated from society. (Encarta
Dictionary).
To alienate or to be alienated has several definitions,
but I would like to address alienation as identified above. The key term here I think is “isolation”. We are made to feel or make others feel
isolated. We are made to feel or make
others feel estranged. (Estrange: to cause
somebody to stop feeling friendly or affectionate toward somebody else or
sympathetic toward a tradition or belief (Ibid).) If we do not address alienation proactively,
we characteristically tell ourselves that time and distance may eventually heal
the wound. This tactic occurs because we
are frequently at a loss to explain the complete nature of the alienation or
how to effectively heal it. This can be
the result of simple integrity—rather than playing the happy hypocrite and
feign that all is well, we keep our distance.
Or it can be the result of fear—since we don’t know how to handle it, we
stay estranged. Sometimes we are alienated
for we sense that another person knows us all too well—has caught on to our
secret ambitions or dreams that, in truth, we find the revelation of to
be embarrassing. Perhaps our ambitions
or dreams outsize current realty, much like a kid donning adult clothes; or
perhaps they are blatantly self-serving despite our pretense of servanthood and
selflessness. Ironically, candor can be an effective remedy
for alienation. For example, we can candidly
express our view that others and we have vested interest in the
proceedings. Thus, we are replacing
hedging and misdirection with honesty and recognition of often what is deeply obvious
but perversely avoided and stealthily understated. It replaces the undercurrent of mutual understanding
that we will stand on pretense and politeness rather than plain truth. Therefore
the best antidote to alienation, subtle or otherwise, is to leave off claims of
profound nuance and fabrications of obfuscation and build a relationship built
on simplicity and plain speaking and their ultimate offspring—trust itself. In this way we can show love to those whose
interests contrast with ours and sometimes divide us. We eschew at last the favorite tactic of the
evil one—deception.
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