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Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Mark of Realism

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I ask myself why I first saw Kathy as “right” for me.  It is said a girl’s loving relationship with her father is important when she herself seeks a mate.  If it is a strong, healthy relationship; this bodes well for the future.  I feel strongly that my relationship with my mother greatly influenced my choice of a mate.  For me to be “mothered” never meant being subservient to someone who was domineering or primarily self-serving.  To be mothered, instead, came to mean a loving relationship in which mutual respect and consideration reliably obtained.  Today Kathy and I were at an ice show at Busch Gardens.  While waiting for the show to begin, a very talkative lady in the seat behind me displayed the qualities that would drive me nuts if I had to live with them on a daily basis.  She set forth discussing a hundred topics and in her mind she was the undisputed expert in all matters.  Her judgments and conclusions were unwaveringly right and conclusive.  Her self-confidence was entire and impenetrable by any self-doubt.  The longer I live, the more I have come to appreciate the value and usefulness of a little self-doubt.  Far from being the mark of inferiority as I once thought, a measure of tentativeness is a winsome quality suggesting a realistic humility when faced with the many uncertainties and unknowns of life.  To carry on as if these do not exist is in my mind not a strength but a flaw that usually hurts others more than oneself.  It was Kathy’s tentativeness even while solidly grounded in Christian values that attracted me to Kathy at the outset and continues to do so today.  Her self-confidence is not blind but reality based.  I would never presume to have her “pegged” but nevertheless celebrate her winsome humility.

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