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| Great Smoky Mountains Clingmans Dome, the highest point in the national park |
A good friend (“son”) of mine is in Federal prison. They have a program for inmates that teach a methodical approach to rational decisions—the method is called RSA. When one performs a RSA, he is to ask himself five questions.
- Are your thoughts based on objective reality/facts??
- Are your thoughts helping protect your life and health??
- Are your thoughts helping achieve your short and long-term goals??
- Are your thoughts keeping you out of conflict with others??
- Are your thoughts making you feel the same way without the use of drugs or alcohol??
If
you answer “no” three times in response to these questions, then
your thoughts are not rational.
My
friend adds in his letter to me: “Wayne, this is really good stuff.
And it can apply to anyone. It would be good if you could sit in on
one of our phase groups.” I would love to do so, but will participate “long-distance” (all the way to El Reno, Oklahoma) and discuss here my take on some of the
points mentioned:
My
interest has always been on what I call the “Disciplines of Love.”
These Disciplines incorporate substantially the questions listed
above. For love, if it is to be of any use, must be based on
objective reality/facts. Escapist sentimentality has no place in the
disciplines of love. Facts represent an essential facet of the
truth—truth being “that which is so regardless of what we may say
about it.” Thus, an absolutely essential virtue for successfully
coping with life is humility—humility before the facts. Who
in their right mind would prefer a doctor who acted upon arrogant,
opinionated impulse rather than one who first performed a humble
search for the facts to carefully determine one's actual physical
condition?
Likewise,
Disciplines of Love have an important end in view—stability and
security. They seek to protect and advance well-being and to help
realize abundant life. The ways to arrive at this objective are
seldom obvious. In my view, a frequent mistake is to equate
protection with blatant physical force—as by securing a gun or
pumping iron to build up muscle and give one the illusion of
invincibility. True security ultimately rests on trust established
through goodwill. Ask yourself, would you rather live in a
neighborhood whose inhabitants are chronically anxious and fiercely
armed to the teeth, or would your rather live in a tranquil
neighborhood where security resides in reliable trust and goodwill?
Short-term
goals can only be rightly understood if viewed from a long-term
perspective. The long-term gives the short-term context and meaning.
Disciplines of Love give extensive weight to eternal verities—the
very long-term. Thus, they provide a context for short-term action.
Over the years I have cultivated a friendship with Ramon Green (to whom I write this letter). A
short-term objective during this time can be identified as having fun
in various outings and adventures. All the while, however, a
long-term goal included (I think for both of us) acting in the
long-term best interest of our friend. Thus, some possible
short-term actions—such as getting high off drugs—were simply
unthinkable because they would undercut the long-term best interest
of our friend.
“Are
your thoughts keeping you out of conflict with others?”
Overwhelming conflict derives from a felt need to control. The
secret to avoiding much conflict is to understand in matters of
control we should first look to controlling ourselves, not others. A
related factor is that of attitude—we need to consciously craft a
positive attitude. For me the daily arena of work is a prime
example. Especially on Monday mornings, on arriving at work I need
to first look to controlling my own actions and attitudes, not
directing or attacking others. If a thorny issue should arise, I
must consciously decide that my friendship with my co-workers is
stronger and more important than to engage in petty infighting.
Proactive goodwill and a kind sense of humor (sometimes at one's own
expense) can triumph over the venomous atmosphere of contention and
strife.
Today
I attended court to give support to a young friend (“son”) during
a pretrial session. The schedule indicated I should be there at
nine-thirty. But as anyone who is familiar with the legal process
knows, that was only a rough estimate of when my friend's turn before
the bench would occur. That did not occur until early afternoon. In
short, I had all morning to hear court proceedings regarding drug
intervention. Defendant after defendant came before the beach, all
relating to drug addiction. It was no doubt one of the saddest
mornings I have ever experienced. Sometimes
with the defendants' great fear and protestation, they would be sent
off to spend several weeks in jail. Others went voluntarily and willingly, desperately knowing the
jeopardy that they presented to themselves if they remained on the
streets. I (who have always delighted in “natural highs”) am
frankly mystified by drug use. Clearly, I don't understand it, and perhaps my brain is structured so that it receives a stimulus that I
would otherwise find a need to artificially provide. One of the saddest
memories I can remember is when I was incarcerated at FCI in
Tallahassee in 1969. I entered the facility (which had large common
sleeping areas) on New Year's eve. There was an industrial shop at
the facility, and inmates had managed to smuggle lacquer thinner,
glue, and the like into the dorm for inhaling that evening. The dark
cavernous room reeked of the smell. From my bunk that night I looked
to the heavens for an answer as to why my associates would want to do
this to themselves. But God was silent then, as now. I have nothing useful to say about substance abuse—only this, I too
have addictions (such as the drive to dominate) that can be just as
(if not more) despotic.
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