But the Most Important Question Is....

Is there some place where you need to stand up for your rights? How will you do this in a helpful way? (Serendipity Bible 10th Anniversary Edition, p.349).

The overwhelmingly most important of the two questions above is the second one: “How will you do this in a helpful way?”

The following list is long and includes many dicey questions. The question comes up repeatedly: “How will you do this in a helpful way?” In my lifetime the person that immediately comes to mind on a national level who asked this question and came up with effective answers was Martin Luther King, Jr. I feel that I also saw good judgment on the part of my father and mother. Foremost on their minds was the question: “How can I be helpful not only to myself and my interests, but also helpful in furthering the interests of others.” They never “circled the wagons” and became judgmental. They drew a large circle that included both themselves and others. They appreciated human imperfection as a universal that in no way excluded themselves. They recognized that people typically, sometimes tragically, operate from their best lights while having only limited control over perception. Thus, they treated everyone with the dignity and respect they would appreciate. They understood that a judgmental and superior attitude would not only be ineffective, but also would be insidiously harmful to themselves. So the sine qua non question is the followup question: “How will you do this in a helpful way?”

Here are some questions to consider in this light:

Is there an area where you need to offer criticism (or a compliment)? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you need to offer help? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you need to call attention to a person of their (or your) limitations or short-comings? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Do you need to tell someone that they are "driving you up the wall"? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you need to speak truth to power (or weakness)? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you need to tell someone that you (rather than they) are following the preferred course? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you need to delineate limitations facing the group? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you must recommend or demand action (or inaction)? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Are there areas where you must simply agree to disagree? How we you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you must recommend something unpopular (or support the popular)? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you must tell someone you cannot assist them (or desire to assist them)? How you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you need to express the feeling of being let down by others? How you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you must earnestly compete with others (or decline to compete)? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Do you wish to tell someone you admire them (or just the opposite)? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you must tell someone “No”? How will you do you the do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area were you must tell someone you (we) simply can't afford it? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you must decline to assent because you feel doing so would not be good for you or the person? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you must decline involvement? How will do you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you think you (or others) should give up pursuing a long-sought ambition or dream? How will do you do this in a helpful way?

Is there a time when you need to discuss your own (or others') mortality? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Is there an area where you need to confront others (or yourself)) regarding an addiction? How will you do you do this in a helpful way?

What if you feel you must confront someone (or face up yourself) regarding a moral weakness? How will you do this in a helpful way?

What if you feel you need to tell someone that they simply lack talent in a certain area (or face up to your own lack of talent)? How will you do this in a helpful way?

What if you must tell someone (or admit yourself) that you are not the “person for the job”? How will you do you do this in a helpful way?

What if you must tell someone that they are successful (or unsuccessful) regarding a purchase decision? How will do you do this in a helpful way?

What if you must tell someone you cannot meet an earlier promise (or remind them that they have not met theirs)? How will you do this a helpful way?

What if you need to ask someone to expedite a matter? How will you do this in a helpful way?

What if you need to tell someone that they are not doing a good job? How will you do this in a helpful way?

What if you need to tell someone that they are too young or too old for a particular task? How will do you do this in a helpful way?

What if you feel the need to tell someone that they have offended you in some way? How will you do this in a helpful way?

What if you need to tell someone they are late (or too early) again? How will you do this in a helpful way?

What if you need to tell someone that the job they did for you was unsatisfactory; that they made mistakes; that they are illogical or unreasonable; that after great effort they have arrived at wrong conclusions (all their efforts were in vain); that they are superficial or off the mark? How will you address this in a helpful way?

What if you need to express a long resentment; what if you feel the need to tell someone you think they let you down; what if you feel the need to tell someone they are being selfish? Or greedy? Or unwise (or wise)? Or immature? Or silly? Or hypocritical? How will you do you do this in a helpful way?

What if you need to tell someone you think they are racially, religiously, politically, sexually, or ideologically prejudiced in a hurtful way? How will you do this in a helpful way?

What if you feel the need to tell someone you think they are flat-out wrong (or flat-out right)? How will you do this in a helpful way?

What if you need to tell someone you think they are selfishly operating in their own best interest at your (or others') expense? How will you do this in a helpful way?

What if you think someone is a crook; what if you think someone is acting immaturely; what if you think someone is wrong in their politic, economic, or religious conclusions and beliefs? How will you do this in a helpful way?

Clearly the demands of doing things in a helpful way substitutes a judgmental and exclusionary attitude with an inclusive one. This is the first essential step to being helpful.

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