Once upon a time I was lean and hungry. I worked overtime to acquire three masters’ degrees. After personal computers came out, I bought computer books three inches thick and studied them with a passion. I took computer courses at night and felt deeply that I had to learn all I could to prepare myself to serve. I couldn’t force someone to give me a job or promote me, so I would do all I could do on my side to be ready just in case. And my work paid off. I eventually did get promoted and got a job working with computers. Today, I was offered an opportunity to take more courses without additional charge to the organization. All I would have to do is apply myself and do the online equivalent of reading three inch thick computer books. I could study most anything pertaining to computers or Microsoft software. The opportunity to learn more is vast. But I find myself reluctant to take on the challenge. I am not 33 with a career before me; but 66 with retirement looming within four years. I am meeting all work related requirements now and don’t feel challenged to do more. I am, in a phrase, fat and happy. There was a time I would view such an attitude with some disgust. I further would see it as sad that a person had given up on life. Well, in a sense, I have given up. The fire is not in the belly. I do not feel the compelling urge to achieve greatness. Maybe I’m just getting intellectually flabby. On the other hand, maybe I’ve learned to be content with life as it has developed. I am ready and willing without embarrassment to plead ignorance on a whole host of issues. This ignorance is vast but not daunting for I have found that it is widely shared by everyone in one way or another and is kind in its capacity to realize a degree of humility. Sometimes there is a compelling decency in hanging up the jockstrap, in saying “no” to more and more. I am not the master of my fate, the captain of my soul. That attitude was fine in theory and may even have proven a bit beneficial in practice. Now, however, I am content to be a sojourner upon a sea of shared responsibility. The achievements of others will be my safety net, my golden parachute.
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